Working deep within the fashion industry has its share of Highs and Lows. The highs being the Glitz & Glamour, rubbing elbows with celebrities & designers, fashion week, parties, traveling around the world regularly- not to mention the sick clothing I'm gifted every now and again- For someone who was selling insurance three years ago, this is a Dream Come True, to say the least.
But.... the lows are REALLY LOW like not having much time for yourself let alone family and friends, multi-tasking every second of the day while CONSTANTLY on your A Game (hence, my monthly adderall prescription), feeling fat compared to the models, stylists, most designers and every other waif who can be satisfied with lettuce-hold the dressing-hold the crotons-hold the avocados and anything else that may give the salad (which will probably be the only thing that most of my peers will ingest for the next 24 hours besides 3 cups of coffee, two red bulls and their umpteenth diet coke) any substance.
I weigh about a buck forty give or take a pound or three at 5'5 and wear a size 6 dress, size 29 in jeans. To the outside world, I'm a sexy mo-fo with a killer bootay and luscious breasts but, in the fashion world "You would be so much prettier if you dropped 15-20 pounds".-Numerous designers, Models and of course my Boss
I mean, don't get me wrong, I've always had a bit of body image issue and would rather be told that I was TOO skinny then "You look healthy" on any given day but, i'm even more conscience of the way I look (or don't look) these days. Now, you'd think that someone who ate 3 healthy meals a day, walked to and fro work (a mile each way) and ran 3 miles on the treadmil 5 days a week could easily be 115 -120 pounds but trust me-at 33 years old it's not as easy as it used to be to be a "Skinny Bitch". (At least without heavy duty diet pills and the occasional bulemic tendencies.)
So, after reading 50 "inner happiness" books from the power of now to when you're falling dive" I've starting looking in the mirror and focusing on what I love about my body or saying positive affirmations. It usually starts out with "I am a beautiful woman, I'm curvy and tone and... wait a minute is that a fucking dimple on my ass? Jesus Christ man I've been running for two months and for what?
I always wonder if I’m harder on myself then I realize. Do people see me the way I that see myself? Will I ever be happy with the way I look? For crying out loud it kills me to think about all of the energy that we all feed this self hating fire inside ourselves with.
So what's the solution? Well for one I'm going to keep on saying my positive affirmations, try to be the best person that I can be so that not only will I love what's on the outside, I'll love what's on the inside too. I'll keep reading my Eckhart Tolle books, smoke less pot so that I wont have the munchies before I go to sleep (causing me to wake up at 3 a.m. & sleep eat -waking up with chocolate all over my fingers thinking "Oh shit what the HELL did I eat this time?" Then walking into the kitchen and realizing that the double fudge chocolate Entenmann's cake that was here last night has mysteriously disappeared. I'm also going to continue to eat healthy, run 5 days a week and wear black.
And if all else fails, there's always Dr. Richard Ellenbogen.
Love Light & Laughter...